Not So Pink Cloud...

Stop Fighting

2006-08-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

Damn, I am soo blessed to be apart of this 12 step program...
In the last month I have been awakened to burning bushes,miracles and turning it soo far over and staying in recover and doing the next right thing(ACTION)..
eVERY -THING THIS PROGARM HAS TAUGHT ME HAS COME TO PASS ,when I do the footwork...
Hearing people with double digits tell me they have NO desire to drink or drug and do not need to attend meetings is there shit as well as someone else using ,or doing there thing...all I can do is offer suggestions and love them....until.....
For the first time in my life I understand what it means to stop fighting any-one or any-thing...and to take care of myself...
For all my support group I love you soo much....as well as the rest of my a.a. family..
THANK YOU, THANK YOU ,THANK YOU ALL.....

Memories

2006-08-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

I can't tell any-one who has not had the GOD's miracles experience how over whelming it is...Sometimes the best relationships are formed ,old ones become better,and our turning things over are an obvious miracle...Lately I have been in the middle of over whelming crap..because of you guys and the WE of this program I have even watched it work for my mom...God sure puts things in motion ...Knowing the tools I have been so fortunate in having in this program ,and the ability to use them..even when I was emotionally frozen...I am so much more a better person than yesterday... I can not express my gratitude enough for ALL of you....specially those of you who have listen to me vomit on a daily bases of late....
Dennis R. your call last night (and I am sure God works thru you)probally gave a lot of peace to my heart....God is surely there... it is unfortunate it took some thing as bad as this for me to see the miracles again...God Bless every-one...xoxoxox's

Jaws of Life !!!!

2006-08-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

Hey,you guys.....See the program works,here I am ,made it thru my craziness...All I had to do was..the next right thing
made a couple a.a. calls,read my b.b. ,prayed..saw my therapist,went to a meeting,heard Scott's sweet message,received messages from some very important(to me)people I had sent this blog to and FINALLY..turned it back over to God,,Maybe it took me 3 days ,but ya know what this program works...if we work it...

Letting Go

2006-08-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Ya ALL KNOW i GOT MY 2 YEARS ....
Well it feels different right now...the day we celebrated was a mass of feelings..
Tiger,Penny,(my ex who passed away,)Bobbie(my best friend who passed away),a friend saying something about others (not nice),some one else asking me if I had a lie in my pocket,(sobriety),my dog screaming ,and peeing on me when I picked her up??,my having to undo a mistake on my part,(facing it) to my partner shocking me with a comment(old ick)...I am feeling whipped...not having a smile for any-one...nor having any-thing to offer.....Ya know what I am still clean and very sober...Today that is what I have....xoxoxox's

SAD

2006-07-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

This is a short blog today must get in the shower wash off the sadness and go celebrate the life of Tiger...Ya know when we are younger and have a hero ? Well two of mine were SAlly and Tiger...some kind of wierd way they always made a great imperssion on me...I wanted to be around them and in some ways like them...Being gay was sooo ok....and being sober was ok....Today I will walk with Tiger's spirit and join my peers in celebration of her life.Tonight I will celebrat my 2 years of being in recovery sober !!!!! Thank God for all of you and A.A....

Memories

2006-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

We will make every personal sacrifice to insure the unity of A.A.WE will do this because we have learned to love God and one another. My read, from Daily Reflections,today.Knowing that on a daily basis, this is a we thing ,is so filling to me.To have real friends for a change,people who accept me for me..We are making memories every day.This is an honor for me to be apart of my a.a. family
The check in calls the coffee breaks.the meetings and yea ,Brandy still checking in.Please pray a special prayer for those who are still hurting and not able to get it ,TODAY....I am just so grateful to see my unacceptable behavior,and work on it as well as own it...ICK..God has blessed me with so many ,and so much...Thank you all for being such a big part of this growing up in public..

A Constant In My Life

2006-07-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

Daily Reflections is a important morning meditation for me.This morning another revalation.
Having admitted my powerlessness and made a decision to turn my will over and my life to the care of God,I don't decide which defects get removed,or what order or time framef rame.I ask God to decide which ones stand in the way of my usefullness to others and then ask him to humbly remove them.
Grateful for Mary"s sharing this photo(yes that is cowgirl Mary)
Mary(my friend, teacher)
Every face I see in every meeting(teachers)
Carmen and Amber(true constants,teachers))
the constants I have in my life
Sally(my life perserver,teacher,friend)
Dennis(my tough disciplinary.correct teacher,life perserver,friend)
Angie (my heart.teacher)
My job
Jerry's big heart (friend,teacher)
Dave and Scott(friends,teachers)
my aussie shepard(Sissy) who I get to clean up after ,reminding me about being a constant to her
and how we also act out if we are not getting the attention we need
God
A.A.

God's Plan

2006-07-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

I am sure some of you have read Purpose Driven Life .,before..The jest is that this is a dress rehearsal.One day my heart will stop and that will be the end of this body-but not the end of me.Life is a series of problems(opporturnities)Either you are in one now,you're coming out of one,or you are getting ready to go into one.Rather than being hills and vallies,it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track,and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.No matter how bad things are there is always something good you can thank God for..If you focus on your problems,(self -will)you are not focusing on your purpose.

Grateful for:
LIfe today ,
Hank for sending me the reminder of a Purpose Driven Life.
A.A.
all of you guys
Mary
my job
Dennis
Sally
Gail's laughs in her grateful for mail
God

Today

2006-07-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

Tiger a.k.a. ANNE BROOKE WILSON
1946-2006
Tiger passed away on Friday July 14th at ST.Lukes hospital.
A celebration of her life is planned for 1pm SAt.29th at Lambda Center.
If you would like to join ys please be sure to wear bright flammoyant or otherwise inappropriate clothing.Of course Tiger would always approve of leather.

Grateful for :
today
being alive
my sponser
the 12:15 meetings
Lambda
Sonny
Dave and Scott
Dennis
Jerry
my program
Genie P.
Angie
every-one who has made a path way for us....
GOD

Presence

2006-07-16T07:18:00.000-07:00

Amazing to myself the past couple of days have been numb..I have actually been in some sort of turning it over phase...(and my anti-depression meds. probally help)To actually be present in a moment,an hour,for any situation is a turning point for me..Last night we went to a meeting at New Hope,this is a women's recovery home...The place was full..the meeting great..I heard some really good soberity talking...THe center(home) use to be seen right off the beltway..last night I almost didn't find it , Homes had been built all around it ,covering the roadside view...One of the centers male visitors told me the home owners were taking them to court as the house lowered the propertys cost surrounding it...Makes ya wonder who bought those homes in the first place....Guys, Sally really needs help on Monday to move Tigers stuff outta the house so any-one who can please give us a shout
GRateful for so many things:
two people I love have made it back to our rooms
seeing both their faces at Lambda last night
knowing Tiger,and to of spent time with her
Sally's love
Angie
Dave and Scott
Sireene
Jerry
God
all of ya'll

Happy, Joyous, and Free

2006-07-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

THis morning I awoke from a bad dream.After a few moments I realized where I really was.I read my Daily Reflections,said a prayer and now I am blogging.Phone call from someone in the program..sharing her good God fortunes...Yesterday a phone call from my friend who brought me back in the program,sharing her great God fortunes..Amazingly enough if I stand still long enough ,I can hear all the good things , not only tha bad and sad...
Grateful for:
a new friend(sireen)
Tamara(old friend)
a good nights sleep
dinner with friends tonight
Sally
Dave and Scott
my 4 legged babies
ability to be an adult when I really need to
Angie
ya'll
This blog
GOD

Daily Reflections

2006-07-13T07:06:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to change it up a little
This morning I read some of my daily reflections captions..I love this book..Mostly what I got out of these readings is to keep turning it over.Went to a meeting last night and that was again the topic..We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect.This is has been the part I keep forgetting.I still find myself trying to do what I think is what God wants and sharing ,pushing and shoving my program down peoples throats.Understanding my alcohol and drug use as being the symptons of my disease. Ok ,I realize we are all where we are suppose to be at this very moment,I also know if we use the tools we will learn a new life.What I have a problem with is seeing people I love only not using and being around their old thinking and ways .I know..change people, turn it over...That is my work in progress..I have learned I would rather be happy than right, and to get outta God's way..Thanks for letting me vent.
Grateful for:
this way of venting
all of you
to use my tool box tools
meetings
my sponser
God

How Do I See Things ?

2006-07-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Grateful for :
Toolbox(PINK)
Knowing their are different ways of seeing things
ability to look beyond
friends(yea I have got a couple)
doing my program again
a clean house almost
a great job
Dave and Scott
role models
my son's letters
Angie
my sponser
A.A.
My higher power

Choices

2006-07-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
THE choice to walk away when I follow thru the whole before during and after
2 years
Dennis R.
a very good nights sleep
great music
Melissa this sunday
Angie
MARY (MY FRIEND)
memories good and bad
ability to stop engaging
you guys the walk I am going to take with my doggie girl
12 &12
soberity
God
prayer

LOOKING AT LIFE

2006-07-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
another day sober
going to my home group and being with the ones who showed me what to do by example
the high I get with them
God always brings me thru it after I bring me to it
meeting others
ability to say what is on my mind after 2 years
that I actually have boundaries
and i STILL KNOW MY A.A. PROGRAM COMES FIRST
Boston
Sally
GOD
Scott AND DAVE'S encourageing me to blog

WE Are Family

2006-06-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS THAT KEEP ME SOBER
TO BE A PART OF
A MESSAGE FROM MATT
DON K. AND HIS WISDOM
MARTIN AND HIS FRIENDSHIP
ANGIE AND ALL HER LOVE
DENNIS AND HIS GUIDANCE
TOM AND HIS HANGING IN THERE
A GREAT PRIDE PARADE
MS.LAMBDA(micheal)
zane every-one who showed up and did there part for gay pride
a great peaceful weekend with no drama
Brandy 's still alive
ability to tell her she needs 3 months clean and sober before she can even come to my house god
my sponser
you guys

Home Sweet Home

2006-06-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
getting on the puter and doing the next best thing
being present at Dennis R.'s 12 year b-day dinner
also Amber's birthday dinner
riding in the pride parade
being a blessed lesbian who has Lambda as my home group
being here thru sooo many peers downs lately without being as down as I once was
tools to do what I need to do for me
Prayer and lots of it
Mary
Sally
Susan R.
JERRY
Angie growing up in public with me
Dave U.(love ya)
GOD

BEAUTY

2006-06-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
every-one in the program
serenity
courage
wisdom
shoulder rubs
unconditional love
dave and scott
the month of dennis r.
my a.a. friends who are still trudging
Jerry and Ramao arriving safely
gay pride
Finnese salon
angie
sally
therapy
12 steps
gratitude list
glenda
my babies(4 legged)
the ability (and desire)to help others
GOD

MORE WILL BE REVEALED

2006-06-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
ACCEPTING THIS JOURNEY
A.A.'S TEACHERS
MY THERAPIST
BEING OF SERVICE
HOLDING EACH OTHER UP
LOVE
SALLY
WATCHING ANGIE GET IT
INTEGEITY
THE MONTH OF DENNIS R.
DREAMS('COS THAT IS ALL THEY ARE)
MOMENTS WITH GOD
LEADING THE 8:00 WOMENS MEETING TONIGHT

MEMORIES AND LOADS OF LOVE

2006-06-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

grateful for:
a.a. memories

TAKING THE TIME

2006-06-12T05:18:00.000-07:00

Grateful For:
Sissy(my newest addition,ty Mary)
Lambda
great meetings
visits with friends at Lambda
Dennis R.(his month)
my sponser
wake-up calls
great sleep
fun in the pool
did I mention great meetings?
Dave U.
Carol and Kim
prayer
H.P.
sponsees
gay pride month
all of you

Grateful For:

2006-06-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

I AM grateful-- FOR THE WIFEWHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO,BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH MEAND NOT OUT AT THE BARS. FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHESBECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,NOT ON THE STREETS. FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED. FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXINGBECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .FOR ALL THE COMPLAININGI HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. .FOR THE PARKING SPOTI FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE LOTBECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE TRANSPORTATION.FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCHWHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR. FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR. FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLESAT THE END OF THE DAYBECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURSBECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVEFRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

LEARNING FROM SO MANY MISTAKES

2006-06-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
MEETING WITH MYAWESOME SPONSOR
A GREAT WOMEN 'S MEETING
SEEING THE BEAUTY IN OTHER WOMEN (IT HAS BEEN A WHILE AT LAMBDA)
NEW COMERS
THE MONTH OF DENNIS R.
ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM HIM
SPEAKING WITH MORE OF MY MALE LAMBDETTE FRIENDS
FEELING LIKE I FIT IN AGAIN AT MY HOME GROUP DAVE U.
COMING HOME TO THE PEACE AND COMFORT OF A GREAT PARTNER
THE PEOPLE WHERE I WORK
MY SON'S TRANSFER TO ATASCOSITA,DRUG REHAB
CAROL AND KIM
MY 4 LEGGED BABIES
WOMEN'S ROLLER DERBY(CONGRATS DANI)
SWEET CHARITY
GAIL AND HER EXP. STRENGHT,HOPE
CANDY,ASKING ME TO LEAD NEXT WED.'S WOMEN'S,MEETING
12 AND 12
GOD

Being Teachable and Able To Cut Some Of the Rough Edges

2006-06-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

Grateful For :
Sally
Angie
Carol
Dave U.
Gail
Hank
Ar
differences
experience
strength
hope
feelings aren't facts
responsibility to not for
fear looking forward
resentment looking back
faith looking up
my four legged babies
my job
Finesse
home grown tomatos
God

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

2006-06-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

Grateful For:
Our Country as we see it
Grass
Knowing all vulturs don't have 2 wings
boundaries
A.A. living in the moment
trudging one minute at a time
Carol's results, dave U.
Angie
Sally
God

Family

2006-05-31T07:01:00.000-07:00

Grateful for :
only getting to visit can walk away when ready
love of my brother
my mom and the lesson of life I've learn from her
knowing I can be myself learning what that is(someday)
fear
pain
sober
love always hurts when it is my moms
help for my grandson
god
Angie
my sponser

Enjoy The Calms Before The Storm

2006-05-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
My sobriety
Sally(my sponser)
all of You
acknowledging one of the things I did horrlbly at thru my kids life
Angie
God

STILL HOLDING MY HEAD UP

2006-05-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
this fantastic day
enjoying and feeling safe in the quite
bringing God in when the doors open
or not
praying
my clients
Maddie (my friend at work)
a relationship that is turning into a responsible adult lifestyle
love and respect shared equally(after all this time)
The Dixie Chicks
A.A.
GOD

ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY

2006-05-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
turning it over again and again
not liking the moment ,the ability to live in it
seeing my mom cry and working program on my end
the gifts of 12 steps and the big book
learning to live differently
the people in my life I learn from
God's way not mine

A.A. FUNTIMES

2006-05-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
FUN TIMES WITH A.A. FRIENDS
BBQ
J.P.
Dennis telling me like it is
Dennis and I having a spiritiual connection
knowing God has us all
Angie and her compassion
growth
meetings
setting my boundaries (again)
Carol and Kim
my babies(4 legged)
12 steps
God

COMING BACK TO GOOD ROUTINES

2006-05-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
not having fell to far from my program to come back
not using as a way to escape all the insanity my family is going thru
the ability to fake it 'til I make it
for having a support group that I can trust
being of service at the Ms. Lambda contest
a most fantastic trip to Sommerville(thanks BEN, and JERRY)not the icecream!!!!
Dave U.(your phone call came at a most needed time)
Kevin C.'s story
all of you guys
my higher power

HALT

2006-04-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

gRATEFUL FOR:
not becoming who I 've been inspite of a close communication
the tools to stay in recovery,when the devil threatens my serenity
choices to stay in the middle
Halt
giving myself and my foot a rest
time spent wisely
getting to know someone I love better
all the 4 legged critters in this home sharing their space with us
a great home cooked meal
Susan R.
meetings
H.P.

Fitting In

2006-04-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
the chance to step in for the double digit and represent founders day at Lambda(Dave U. please tell me what that means)
Arlene leading a meeting new to her for me
Jerry coming in to help me and Tiger
God for leading us in the right direction if we listen
Good sleep lately
a great job
great clients
rain
my partner Nickel recovering from an Accident
Sally's relief
H.P.

Finding a Pot of Gold in my Program

2006-04-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
simply the best
honesty
feelings
my friends(the real ones)
my fair weather friends
prayer
my job
my clients
no pins in my foot
Dwayne and Raul
real serenity (tonight)
H.P.

Memories THAT MAKE ME SMILE

2006-04-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
great friends
sharing Carol and Kim's beautiful new home
great lunch
a beautiful prayer shared
Angie's understanding of the PRIZE
today
God's son
sobriety
cowgirl Mary
my babies(4 legged)
H.P.

JESUS CHRIST

2006-04-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
remembering what Easter is about
having my own understanding of God
watermelon easter eggs(photo)
knowing when to rest this foot
Eve
Susan B.
Tiger's attitude
Sally(both D.'s)
boundaries
getting to(ty SusanB. for that lesson)
going to work
my clients
Angie
H.P.
A.A.

ESCAPE TO SERENITY

2006-04-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
mORGAN'S COMPANY TO VISIT MY SERENITY
GROWTH
coming back to the treehouse
Angie's sincere smile
joy to share
slowing down today
Boo and Dude's welcoming me
sleep
my shorter hair
maybe I will get to speak to my son tonight
for the chance to lead a meeting at a new(for me)A.A. group
my relationship with H.P.
all of you guys

Stretching the Illusions

2006-04-10T06:17:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
willingness
explaining to someone who is ready to hear
seeing some things for what they are
seeing somebody for who they are
time doesn't mean recovery,just sobriety sometimes
outright disrespect is not acceptable
Raul's inspiration
Dennis R.
seeing my buddy Dave U.(xoxoxo's)
Hank's bedroom eyes and faith
most of the men at Lambda
Angie for showing me true love and compassion
missing some of my friends from Lambda
prayer
having earth people in my life
missing my son
opening my heart again(slowly)to my daughter
H.P.

Giving in to the Goodness

2006-04-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
My eyes and heart being clear
feeling like shit after taking just anti-inflamitories
that meds. do Not appeal to me any-more
my ankle and foot feeling better
doing what the Dr. said this time
allowing Angie to completely take charge yesterday(smile)
the best fried shrimp I have ever eaten(chef Angie)
I will not be doing the injections until my foot and ankle are healed
my higher power for slowing my ass down again from running
h.p.
hearing Dennis R.'s voice in my head
accepting that I will not be driving long distances
Carol F.
Susan R.
JEn
every-one who teaches me and keep me sober
this blog

WHEN THE sHOE fITS

2006-04-07T19:46:00.000-07:00

gRATEFUL FOR:
PRAYER
TREES
GOD

Changes

2006-04-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Grateful for:
remembering people at their best
ability to see the good
prayer
true friends
taking the time
Dennis R. helping me with my foundation
Carol F.
Angie
JulieF.
the ability to get dressed and drive myself once again to the emergency room
no biggie I fell and my ankle is getting bigger
prayer God
you

ACCEPTENCE

2006-04-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
Finally slowing down
my therapist
starting to journal
staying out of the middle of others stuff
learning to trust again
turning it over,and over and over
witnessing the growth of people in the program
seeing Matthew stalking Lambda and knowing but for the Grace of God go I
ANGIE
the appearance of peace in a friend
Julie F.
knowing I am on my way to Galveston on Friday
my peace of serenity
all the bloggers
Raul and his loving heart
Mary
Dennis R.
willingness
My higher power

EYES WIDE OPEN

2006-04-02T13:24:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
every-one in recovery
every-one in soberity
truley seeing the growth in my partner
big closure that opens up space in my heart
spending time with someone with 23 years who can and is willing to share her great mind
not engageing in anothers self justification
God's gift of soberity
learning that I am worth it...
Dr.s appointments tomorrow...
more time spent with a mentor
Millie
Sally's giving
Sally D.
Angie's 90 days
Hank's 90 days
Sam's story
seeing Bob
Sean and Sam
Janet's phone call
being with friends at BRB
going outside in the middle of a dance club ,alone and giving it up and thanks to my God

The Inevitable

2006-03-29T06:33:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Acceptance
another settled in comfortably night
sharing
going to work in a minute
Katie Holmes (lol)
my spelling
Bunny's daddy
Dave U.
Elicia getting 20 years
wow
12 n 12
the fact that the guy my son is working for in jail is an old friend of mine....
small world
my higher power
Angie

No more Black and White

2006-03-28T08:50:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
One day at a time
someone(Angel)being here to see me ,help me while I am feeling sick
MY HIGHER POWER
aCCEPTING ALL THE GOOD AS WELL AS THE BAD AS LIFE ON LIFES TERMS
cowgirl Mary
Carol
the phone calls
my 4 legged babies
pajamas
knowing I have to let go of some people in the program as well as out of it
Susan B.
Betty and her sharing
Susan R. for stepping up for her better
Rhonda
My son and grandson
a sister-in-law who has taken responsibility for my grandson with me
Raul and the smile I can't wait to see at the 6:30 double digit
Beautiful red roses
Doing the 1st step in depth again
Millie

Welcome Wednesday

2006-03-22T19:46:00.000-08:00

Grateful For:

That fur doesn't grow on my legs.

Acceptance.

An opportunity to talk to my son.

Not engaging in old behavior.

Peace of mind.

Knowing that it's okay to be scared without having to be in fear.

Learning to share responsibilities.

The ability to ask for help.

The phone calls and emails that I received today.

Great clients.

My house becoming a home again.

Being read to out of the Big Book before I go to bed.

Angie.

Miracles of A.A

2006-03-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
being apart of a program that works(IF YOU WORK IT)
ALL the miracles I get to witness(my own as well)
Carol and Kim moving into their new home
Angie getting the recovery part of the program
Eve being in good health
Susan getting her omn place
flowers on my computer stand(fresh)
capacity to truley turn more things over to my higher power every day
not freaking out or carrying resements with me
knowing I am in God's pocket not the other way around
friends who stand up for you,no matter who it is
tomorrow morning I see my Dr. and I am ok with all this
I can set boundaries
the shower I am fixing to take
the phrase "A caterpiller sees death ,God sees a butterfly"

Extreme Makeover

2006-03-15T21:50:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
not having this makeover(see photo)
willingness to get to the other side
a sweet Angel that walks beside me
who has a smart mouth at times
lol
seeing the excitment in Scott's eyes tonite
doing the right things sometimes
seeing Susan B. tonight
newcomers
Mary(my friend)
a really great womens meeting
letting go of some pain daily
handleing life on an even keel today
thru it all
H.P.
prayer

Meeting of My Minds

2006-03-15T05:02:00.000-08:00

Grateful For:my 3rd try in 2 days to get this blog out ,not giving up,please don't laugh but this is the only way I can post the last few days,grateful for the will to step up to the plate to be there for my 10 year old grandson, while his dad does jail time until they put him in a treatment program(drugs)although I thought my child raising days were over and I liked the thought,grateful for Raul,Grateful for all the men at Lambda,without which I would not have come this far..Spending a little time seeing Bunny and Scott get acquainted yesterday,Making the decision
to start my treatments wed 22nd,praying for H.P.(GOD) to guide me Not help me,turning over a little more every day,setting up boundaries in my home,Rhonda for always being my friend,a great job,my new friend Mark(neighbor),
Beauty is on the inside so if we take time to really look at someone and listen it is amazing what we will find...(see photo)

Unconditional Love

2006-03-12T20:25:00.000-08:00

Grateful For:
Honesty
Loyalty
My babies(4 legged)
Not freaking out over the ac being out
laying on the couch with 4 babies and my sweetie
L Word being so real
a friend coming by to check on me
Scott and his phone call
Love in a healthy way
H.P.

Checking Out

2006-03-10T18:12:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
making another commitment to recovery
a very good meeting(12:15)
being honest before I slip back into insanity
Dave U.'s outlook on life
all the desire chips given out
all the desire
knowing action is my next move
all of us growing up in public(a.a.)
the men in this program
LLoyd's gift
Carol and her truths(as much as I hate hearing it)
Angie and her unconditional love
Angie and her recovery
prayer
H.P.
knowing tomorrow is a new day
J.J. you hang in there

2006-03-09T22:11:00.000-08:00

half-nAAked Thursday

Texas Tornado...

2006-03-09T21:53:00.000-08:00

Grateful For:

Knowing the tornado will be over soon.

Accepting that some things are none of my business.

Canasta.

Sitting in the treehouse safe from the storm.

Knowing when to take off my earrings.

A great dinner.

Great company.

Extending the hand of AA.

Having four hands.

That my son got two years probation and isn't in jail.

Knowing that some relationships just aren't worth it.

The serenity prayer.

March 8,2006

2006-03-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Remembering where I was the week before I got here
Knowing I am still a sick aa member
the lessons about myself that hurt
acting out is not a good feeling ,hurting someone hurts me to
knowing I can still learn from my bad behavior
after the waterfalls there is a calm at the bottam,if I choose to see it
my relationship with someone that is all about serenity(most the time)
Angie's motivation
smiles
12 and 12
H.P.

March 7,2006

2006-03-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
a fantastic kolache with Bo at his new place this morning
running into a ray of sunshine(Charity)
Feeling the yummie energy
Angie happy with her new job
learning I can only do my best if turn it over first,then pause
I am willing
having tea with DennisR.
remembering I chose him as a sponsor and he taught me well..
I love you Dennis R.
Carmen and her program
learning to let go of some of the gay women's b.s.
watching my A.A.(Lambda) family grow up
enjoying the men at Lambda
H.P. and 12 and 12

March 5,2006

2006-03-05T21:55:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
poolside desserts(frozen choc.covered bananas,)
enjoying someone else's enjoyment
sharing
Lword
my friends happy face with her new friend!!
knowing Carol is there for Kim,(if Kim will listen)
prayers
love
knowing the difference in friends and"friends"
good bbq
girl scout cookies(ty Eve)
letting go of the ick
holding on to the yum
12 and 12
H.P.

March 4,2006

2006-03-04T18:31:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
another beautiful day
knowing when my H.A.L.T. needs to be taken care of
phone calls
my job
waterfalls(wink)
Nancy's happy voice tonight
letting go
letting God
pools
Brandy being alive
"but for the grace of God"
honeymoons

March 3,2006

2006-03-03T06:34:00.000-08:00

Grateful for :
Eve's great results
great time at the beach
Melissa Ethridge and the rodeo
Dani's last minute tickets
my sponsees
sharing my days with someone who appreciates me
getting closer
going to work
knowing I can shut the door on conflicts
prayer
H.P.

March 1,2006

2006-03-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:

my H.P.
knowing when it is time to get my foot off my throat
Angie's smiling face
Carol being a(BIG) part of my life
lessons learned
Carol and Kim's house coming thru and that they will be my neighbor
hearing from Cathy
a great job with great people
Julie (both of them)
acceting we all have different roads to travel
Dave U.
Scott
sponsees
12 and 12

2006-02-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

sometimes: I FEEL LIKE THIS !!!

Feb.28,2006

2006-02-28T15:21:00.001-08:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
ANOTHER DAY OF NOT USING
LEARNING AND OWNING MY PART
BEING ABLE TO ACCEPT THAT SOMETIMES AFTER AN AMMENDs i AM THE ONLY ONE PRESENT
tolerance..still learning
hurtful words come from hurting people
that my relationship is so far built on honesty
that today I hate being in my own skin and that it can change in a second if I just wait
talking to Julie F.
that this program is progress not perfection
that all old timers are not perfect
we are all human
we who pray together,stay together
H.P.

Feb.26,2006

2006-02-26T20:47:00.000-08:00

Grateful for :
weathering the storms in life
because we have the tools and h.p.
talking it out
L word (watching and seeing what I went thru with Penny and actually for the first time remembering it
knowing tomorrow is another day and I have the choice to be Happy and smile
learning who true friends are and not holding grudges for ever....prayer to be out of the basket and waffle butt is gone
service work.....H.P.

2006-02-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

SMILES !!!!

Feb.25,2006

2006-02-25T14:39:00.000-08:00

grateful for:
Big smiles from the gut
dinner with friends
Millie
M.B. hanging out with us
Jen cleaning her bathroom
Knowing I am going to Lambda to be apart of
Mardi Gras(sober)
Staying tonight in my (our) treehouse !!!!
A wonderful job
12 and 12
Beth"s 1 year(I love you 2)

Feb.24,2006

2006-02-24T06:08:00.000-08:00

GRatrful for:
God's serenity for me
this blog
making choices
having choices
Angie's happiness over a new job that rocks
being of service
Dave U.
Hank
being a part of Beth"s life
Chris
Jenna
pictures that say a million words
memories
people who are gone ,but never forgotten
the hard times and knowing that is what makes me who I am today
Lambda
you guys
12 and 12
my higher power

Feb.23,2006

2006-02-23T20:34:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
a relationship that is growing every day with
the fox in the photo
the best birthday I have ever had
Carol
Millie
knowing the difference
Christopher
shoe sales
Julie M.
bed full of roses(Bon Jovi)(Angie)
candles
my puppies
meetings
12 steps

Feb.22,2006

2006-02-22T06:28:00.000-08:00

GRATEFUL FOR:
a loving God
Raul
newcomers
Beth
Angie
the privelige of speaking to someone who took a break and hearing in their voice they are ready to come home
tools
four legged people
12 steps
all of you guys
another year

Feb.20,2006

2006-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
my beautiful babies(see photos)
another LWord night
the guest eating my chicken and dumplings
no-one getting sick
Sonny at Lambda
Angie
Jen's shyness
spending time with Brittany(expectant mother of twins)
my precious,precious roomie

Feb,18,2006

2006-02-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:

~ a great speaker meeting~

~Scott,Dave,Raul,Lloyd,Frank,Zane,Hank,Ben

~(the boys)

~another night of blissful serenity

~sponsees

~sponsers

~Angie

~long talks

~H.P.

~morning meditations

Feb.16,2006

2006-02-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Pretty girlfriends from Dallas(see photo)
figureing how to get my blog back up and running
not wanting to go back to familiar pain
Beth and all her hard work
Sam and her openess
knowing I don't have to do every-thing at once
stars that shine thru eyes
loving smiles
learning to be ok with being ok
my job
aa (all of it)
Ben
Angie

Feb.14,2006

2006-02-15T22:20:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
the best valentines day of my life
my new relationship
reaching out to newcomers
my sponsees ,
friends I hear from and know are doing ok julie f,julie m,hank,ben,
seeing jenna and meeting her new hubbie
micheal a. responding to my e-mail(I love you)
a God day
full moon
a.h.

Feb.13,2006

2006-02-14T14:29:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
a great time last night
candles this morning
beautiful orchids
a match
12:15 meeting
my awesome men friends who always help me to feel welcome
my wonderful support group
Sam and Beth
sponsees
getting out of my own way
knowing God will always be there
THIS DAY
(that is my aunts backyard in Baltimore)

Feb.12,2006

2006-02-13T05:52:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Mary's visit last night to our Sunday L.Word dinner
L.Word
My baby Brittany
being myself with my peers
amorous mornings
Susan R.
A.H.(with an ahhh)
so much aa support and love
the aa men in my life(love you guys)
sponsees
12 and 12
Gracious God

Feb.10,2006

2006-02-11T05:00:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
another good day
that so far today I don't feel like my friend at the right
a good meeting last night j.m. getting her 6 mo. chip
watching Kenny knit thru the meeting
spending time with 2 women I care very much about
a new feeling of meeting in the middle on a level I did not know existed
seeing Don K.
knowing I will see Raul tonight
my higher power

Feb.9,2006

2006-02-10T05:51:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
my sweet,intelligent,precious roomie
a good night sleep
a wonderful relatioship
adult supervision
Angie
12 steps
recovery
5:15 meeting yesterday
higher power

Feb.8,2006

2006-02-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Angie's honesty,sobriety,and compassion
a great meeting,
solutions
Nancy's lead
a fun after meeting in Lambda parking lot
not knocking the shit out of Arlene
some of us really are sicker than others
starbucks
going to bed and the feeling of fullness(not foolishness)
12 steps
my higher power

Feb.7,2006

2006-02-07T16:29:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
sponsees
Beth and Sam
knowing when I need to set boundaries
my beautiful times spent in montrose with a very special friend
Julie F's love
Nancy
Carol and Kim
Jen being able to hear suggestions
possibly going to Tenn. this summer with good friends
L word dinners
opening up to an understanding Angel about past pains
the God of my understanding
12 step's to recovery
remembering it's all small stuff less I make it big

Feb.5,2006

2006-02-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
ability to be there for others
my close relationship with my x(rhonda)
angel coming home today
brandy still being around and not dead yet
L word tonight
already mopped my floor
a good speaker meeting last night
dinner with friends
12 steps
my higherpower
waking from a very bad nightmare
and knowing that is all it was

Feb.4,2006

2006-02-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
not freaking out because my post feb.3rd disappeared
hanks e-mails
my sponsee's gratitude list
Beth's honesty
an awesome 93 t-bird
having an unexpected visit last night
opening the doors to my heart
having been a part of the lunches after the 12:15 meetings
feeling safe
my higher power
12 steps to recovery

Feb.2,2006

2006-02-02T13:07:00.000-08:00

Grateful for :
Everyone who walks thru our doors,
precious memories of those who have walked back out
being able to make new memories
that summer will be here soon
hanks e-mails
I get to chair the 5:15 meeting today
a great meeting last night and Gail
for dessert
after the dinner with aa family
feeling loved today
knowing my higher power has every-thing to do with it all

Feb.1,2006

2006-02-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Sponsee's voice sounding more at ease(love ya B.)
another beautiful day
I get to go have my new(used)car cleaned
Dave U.
work
ability to miss someone who is out of town
feeling full(not fool)
going to hear barbara h.at survivors,8:00 monday before she moves
another day in recovery
twin girls

Jan,31,2006

2006-01-31T06:33:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
July 17th twin girls on the way(new grandbabies)
My sponsee
sureal moments
a new relationship
letting go of alot of pain
therapy
a call from my sponser
support from my friends
Janets great cooking
Linda's adult behavior and love(what an example)
Dave meeting me this afternoon
Tom and his call
Cathy G.who I would love to grow up and be like
spending time with my cute ,sweet,roomie
all of you guys !!!
miss ya Alan

Jan.30,2006

2006-01-30T07:29:00.000-08:00

Grateful for :
the peace and quite in my head
feeling good and knowing it is safe (today)
not trying to go back to a harmful situation (because it is what I am use to doing)
a great night with lots of love another L word success night
Charity with all her beauty inside and out
The handsome men on the right
Dennis R. for still being in my head(yep,Dennis your words still scream)
having the ability to say not now
a face to face with an awesome friend(ty for the lesson,m.m.)
my higher power
this blog
Dave making a call to his nephew today about a car !!!!

jan,28,2006

2006-01-28T04:58:00.000-08:00

Grateful for :
another awesome meeting
Beautiful Charity
67 years of soberity between 4 celebrantes
alot of experience,strenght,and hope
Survivors(Heights)
Little Angie,ty for the cd
Aerosmith,Bon jovi
Big Angie,ty for all the love
for the nomination to chair the 5:15 meetings on Thursday
those not being my feet(that hurts)

Jan,27,2006

2006-01-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Reconnecting with a friend last night(S.R.)I miss ya girl
Not panicking when mom leaves a message ,about my son(mucho dramatic)
knowing feelings of abandoned and failure from a relationship won't kill me
feeling better about getting my financing in order
this great cup of coffee
Scott helping me with my blog
my higher power and the tools to use (thanks Bill W.)
another day at work

jan.26,2006

2006-01-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
another day of recovery
a great meeting last night
late dinner with friends
laughing
the gut sickness(stress)is going away
jen
charity's morning call full of Happy
not reacting to yet another push -pull
my HIGHER POWER

jan.25,2006

2006-01-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

Good morning and grateful for:
Being honest with an x
agreeing to disagree (just knowing it's not worth the effort)
Not feeling to guilty for the change in my plans for treatment
doing the next right thing
being able to sit here not hung over and drinking coffee and blogging
for the response I received from friends yesterday
for knowing I need to get my butt ready for work
having a place to journel some of my stuff so that I get feedback

jan.24,2006

2006-01-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

Grateful for:
Knowing when to call my sponser
doing what she says
not reacting to someone off their meds.,after they call and tell me they are going to drag my face on the cement
a great Aerosmith concert(lenny)
an awesome night with a very good friend
realizing the reason I am afraid to do my chemo is financial insecurity
going back to step 1
making the call to my dr. to tell her I am not ready
being able to ask you guys ,do I get into action and save money or do I simply turn that over to my higher power,?
Scott introducing me to fellow bloggers
hi guys !!!

2006-01-23T11:43:00.000-08:00

Lost a whole day ...must be unfinished work to be done!!!!

jan.22 ,2006

2006-01-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

grateful for:
a great day in the rain
good girlfriends
the L word
seeing my ex's and me's daughters belly grow with our grandbaby
being able to keep my boundaries in tact for another day
knowing Sam is feeling better
my loving babys(my 3 dogs)
for letting my higher power have control of my son and not freaking out over his disappearing acts
knowing it is now time for me to sleep

2006-01-21T20:46:00.000-08:00

This is melody,glad to meet you guys!!I grew up in Pasadena,Texas,my mom moved us to Houston when I was 12 and I never wanted to leave I am an acne expert and have been in this field for 30 years have 3 chiuhaha babies,1 son,1 daughter,and an awesome 11 year old grandson passion is any-thing on or close to the water.
My blessings are so many,I decided to share my gratitude with ya'll...Surprise Dave and Scott ,I have arrived...xoxoxo

2006-01-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

This is my best friend Carol,her fiance Kim,and Carol's grandbaby.

jan.21,2006

2006-01-21T04:45:00.000-08:00

Good morning !!
grateful for:

realization of my new character defect
my higher power who as usual loves me in spite of my new c-defect
learning how to do this blog stuff
a new friend at work
remembering I am human
Scott for sending me his blog
for Lambda men
for my job, that I need to get to now

jan.20,2006

2006-01-20T05:10:00.000-08:00

Hi,my lambda beauties and the rest of you recovering one day at a time.Please bare with me as I am still trying to get in the program here!!
GRATEFUL TODAY
my higher power
that I can pop in a 12:15 and still feel the depth of love between us
to see so many newcomers
my therapist
to know that to keep my power is for me to turn it over to God as I see her
to be able to love and respect myself a little more each day
knowing now I maybe lonely,but never alone
to know that possibly I might be posting this in a sec.