Not So Pink Cloud...

In AA we must surrender, give up, admit that we're helpless. We surrender our lives to our Higher Power and ask for help. When HP knows we're ready, we're given by grace the free gift of sobriety.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Stop Fighting

Damn, I am soo blessed to be apart of this 12 step program...
In the last month I have been awakened to burning bushes,miracles and turning it soo far over and staying in recover and doing the next right thing(ACTION)..
Hearing people with double digits tell me they have NO desire to drink or drug and do not need to attend meetings is there shit as well as someone else using ,or doing there thing...all I can do is offer suggestions and love them....until.....
For the first time in my life I understand what it means to stop fighting any-one or any-thing...and to take care of myself...
For all my support group I love you soo well as the rest of my a.a. family..

Friday, August 11, 2006


I can't tell any-one who has not had the GOD's miracles experience how over whelming it is...Sometimes the best relationships are formed ,old ones become better,and our turning things over are an obvious miracle...Lately I have been in the middle of over whelming crap..because of you guys and the WE of this program I have even watched it work for my mom...God sure puts things in motion ...Knowing the tools I have been so fortunate in having in this program ,and the ability to use them..even when I was emotionally frozen...I am so much more a better person than yesterday... I can not express my gratitude enough for ALL of you....specially those of you who have listen to me vomit on a daily bases of late....
Dennis R. your call last night (and I am sure God works thru you)probally gave a lot of peace to my heart....God is surely there... it is unfortunate it took some thing as bad as this for me to see the miracles again...God Bless every-one...xoxoxox's

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Jaws of Life !!!!

Hey,you guys.....See the program works,here I am ,made it thru my craziness...All I had to do was..the next right thing
made a couple a.a. calls,read my b.b. ,prayed..saw my therapist,went to a meeting,heard Scott's sweet message,received messages from some very important(to me)people I had sent this blog to and FINALLY..turned it back over to God,,Maybe it took me 3 days ,but ya know what this program works...if we work it... Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Letting Go

Well it feels different right now...the day we celebrated was a mass of feelings..
Tiger,Penny,(my ex who passed away,)Bobbie(my best friend who passed away),a friend saying something about others (not nice),some one else asking me if I had a lie in my pocket,(sobriety),my dog screaming ,and peeing on me when I picked her up??,my having to undo a mistake on my part,(facing it) to my partner shocking me with a comment(old ick)...I am feeling whipped...not having a smile for any-one...nor having any-thing to offer.....Ya know what I am still clean and very sober...Today that is what I have....xoxoxox's Posted by Picasa

Saturday, July 29, 2006


This is a short blog today must get in the shower wash off the sadness and go celebrate the life of Tiger...Ya know when we are younger and have a hero ? Well two of mine were SAlly and Tiger...some kind of wierd way they always made a great imperssion on me...I wanted to be around them and in some ways like them...Being gay was sooo ok....and being sober was ok....Today I will walk with Tiger's spirit and join my peers in celebration of her life.Tonight I will celebrat my 2 years of being in recovery sober !!!!! Thank God for all of you and A.A.... Posted by Picasa

Thursday, July 27, 2006


We will make every personal sacrifice to insure the unity of A.A.WE will do this because we have learned to love God and one another. My read, from Daily Reflections,today.Knowing that on a daily basis, this is a we thing ,is so filling to me.To have real friends for a change,people who accept me for me..We are making memories every day.This is an honor for me to be apart of my a.a. family
The check in calls the coffee breaks.the meetings and yea ,Brandy still checking in.Please pray a special prayer for those who are still hurting and not able to get it ,TODAY....I am just so grateful to see my unacceptable behavior,and work on it as well as own it...ICK..God has blessed me with so many ,and so much...Thank you all for being such a big part of this growing up in public.. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, July 23, 2006

A Constant In My Life

Daily Reflections is a important morning meditation for me.This morning another revalation.
Having admitted my powerlessness and made a decision to turn my will over and my life to the care of God,I don't decide which defects get removed,or what order or time framef rame.I ask God to decide which ones stand in the way of my usefullness to others and then ask him to humbly remove them.
Grateful for Mary"s sharing this photo(yes that is cowgirl Mary)
Mary(my friend, teacher)
Every face I see in every meeting(teachers)
Carmen and Amber(true constants,teachers))
the constants I have in my life
Sally(my life perserver,teacher,friend)
Dennis(my tough disciplinary.correct teacher,life perserver,friend)
Angie (my heart.teacher)
My job
Jerry's big heart (friend,teacher)
Dave and Scott(friends,teachers)
my aussie shepard(Sissy) who I get to clean up after ,reminding me about being a constant to her
and how we also act out if we are not getting the attention we need
A.A. Posted by Picasa